This is Planets Magazine Action News, coming to you live with an update from the Capricorn War, deep inside the Echo Cluster. Good evening; I’m Jim Chancellite.
The top story this evening is the stunningly successful bottle drive held this week by former members of the Grand Coalition in order to benefit the families of striking shipworkers from Local 78375, and to publicize recycling efforts in the Echo Cluster. With more on this story, here’s Ace Reporter Pat Patterson. Pat?
PP: Thank you, Jim. Dozens of dignitaries assembled here at the Corso Lunaris tracking station to celebrate the end of the recycling drive last night. Ship’s captains, union officials, and no fewer than three Grand Admirals came together to observe the closing ceremony of this multi-lateral effort. Hans “Feet” Charnov, official spokesman for the ECSU local chapter, started off the evening with some brief remarks.
“..It jus’ goes ta show what can be umcomplished by gettin’ people to work together, to really come together and do things, ya know whaddImean? We got Fascists, we got Rebels, we got Colonist — ah, Colonia… — Colonialists, we got a industrial ship contribudited by da Bird Men, and we even got dese fine space mines what was brought in by da Feds along wid dis big pile o wreckage here, looks like a Crystal ship. Everybody gave sumpin, an’ you jus’ know dese famblies gonna be grateful for all da help in dere timea need…”
PP: Representatives from every major civilization attended this event. The Lizards kicked things off at the beginning of the week, and contributions just kept coming in until we saw these record-breaking results. It was truly heartwarming to see natural enemies coming together like this to benefit people in need. Jim?
Thanks, Pat. In related news, we’re informed that a small amount of priority construction has been permitted in spite of the ongoing shipbuilder’s strike. Embedded reporter Torbjorn Greitenkamp has that story all the way from Bird space. Torbjorn?
TG: Good evening, Jim. Today, aboard the Bird flagship [Censored], the Imperial Bird Fleet observed a moment of silence to remember twenty-seven hundred shipbuilders and their families who died in a tragic shipping accident yesterday. Only then was the fleet granted permission to celebrate the surprisingly early launch of the Bird Empire’s new “Secret Swift Stealth Squadron”, eight specialized vessels designed to bring this war to a speedy close. Now, this information has not been confirmed by Bird High Command, but rumor has it that these vessels were specially designed to defeat enemy minefield concentrations without ever firing a shot. In addition, once the five key ships are brought together, they will combine to form an unbeatable robot champion known as “V-01-Tron”. In the words of one newly promoted Bird ship’s captain, “I’ll form the beak!”
JC: That’s quite a technological achievement, TG.
TG: You’re right about that, Jim. Scuttlebutt talk also tells us about a new secret weapon, some sort of mighty stealth sword that vanishes and reappears at will. We were shown pictures of the weapon in operation, and I’ve got to tell you, Jim — I couldn’t see a thing.
JC: Hunh. Well, thanks for that, Torbjorn.
TG: My pleasure, Jim.
Unnamed sources high in the Colonial fleet, speaking only with a guarantee of absolute confidentiality, have informed us that they too have formed a new battle group composed entirely of unarmed freighters. This small fleet, known by the code name “D-Koi”, is designed to transport ultra-valuable and ultra-volatile materials to the battle front with no possibility of enemy interception. The new commander, Admiral S. Knott Rally-Hier, is taking command at a top-secret ceremony this afternoon from the bridge of the flagship, the “M.T. Spayse”. Other vessels in this battle group include the “St. Cirocco”, the “DuBris Field”, and the “Fly Speckonthedradisscreen”.
And that’s the way it is, today, Froomsday the forty-fifth, in the 12th year of Emperor Emork. Long may he reign! Stay tuned for tonight’s special movie, the Sergei Eisenstein classic “Battleship Potemkin”, here on your participating local station.9